I’m sitting here, scrolling through Instagram while Moonlight by Kali Uchis plays in the background. I was thinking about sharing my odyssey with the release of my book, the shipments, the setbacks, and everything that has come with it. But as I turned those ideas over in my mind, I decided to just start writing. Today, I wanted to make a post, but the ideas were piling up, and I didn’t know where to begin. At first, I tried to decide which one to pick, but then I stopped and asked myself: why do I have these ideas? What’s the intention behind what I want to share?
I realized that each idea isn’t isolated; they all have a deeper context. Everything we think or express carries an implicit intention: to make an impact, create a connection, or even meet our own expectations, like getting feedback or attracting more opportunities.
Then, I asked myself another question: what would happen if I set all that aside? If I simply said what I needed to say, without worrying about the effect it might have. However, even that thought is conditioned by an expectation. I thought, “Maybe some people will find this interesting, but others will think it’s garbage.” Once again, the expectations. The “fear” of what people will say: “What will they think if I say this? Or that? Or the other thing?”
This led me to an interesting conclusion: I am a different person in the mind of everyone who reads me, sees me in a video, or crosses paths with me. I exist in those fragmented perceptions: for the people who follow me on social media, those with whom I’ve had surface-level conversations, those who’ve argued with me, or those whose messages I didn’t reply to. Everyone has a different idea of who I am.
And then, another reflection emerged: even when we believe we’re being authentic, something conditions our intentions. Even if you’re aware of it, there’s always something influencing you. But what would I be saying if none of that existed? Honestly, I don’t know right now. Maybe in half an hour, I’ll know. But for now, I don’t. And maybe that’s okay.